"Immigrants" an SB 1070 satire poem by Randy Warren

"Immgrants"
By Randy Warren
performed at the Sedona Poetry Slam in June

The other day, right here in Arizona,
I made a point for America.

I knocked on the door of the Gonzalez family.
(I had to wait until 6, because they all work)
When the door opened, I unfurled my proclamation.

It spoke of God, and Country, and Destiny,
and a bunch of other shit that sounds good,
and feels good to say.

I indicated to the Gonzalezes
the fresh American flag
I had just planted in their lawn.

A brand-new flag,
with 53 bright and shining stars.

Star 51 stood for Puerto Rico, of course.
Star 52, for the pending statehood of Halliburtistan.
And star 53, I explained to the Gonzalezes,
represented the very land on which we stood.
The recently annexed, half-acre state
of South Arizona.

Well, they immediately became angry,
(as their kind are prone to do),
but I was prepared.

I explained to them,
as patiently as I could,
that God works in ways mysterious to Man,
even to the white man. It’s true.

I explained how God’s plan
is invisible to us,
and like all things invisible
it can only be seen when it touches things,
moves things.

Like how Wonder Woman’s jet
can only be detected
when you see the birds dodge out of the way.

Well, the Gonzalezes were unfamiliar with Wonder Woman,
but I had made my point:

Because I was there to take their land,
it must mean that God sent me.
Otherwise...how did I get there?

I stumped’em with that one.

Right on cue the van pulled up
to take them all home to Mexico
where they could be with their families.

Well for some reason that set them off.
The father starts yelling,
saying we’d better get off his property.

His property.

It’s that sense of entitlement,
that really gets to me.

I explained to him,
in the most simple terms I could,
that this was not his property,
and that he and his family were squatting on government land.

He began to get violent,
(another weakness of his people),
and we were forced to Tase him.

This upset his wife and children,
who became agitated,
and we were forced to tase them.

They were zip-tied together and loaded onto the truck.

And yes it was messy,
and I always hope things will go so much smoother.

But you just can’t teach,
those who refuse to learn.

That’s why God invented the Taser.

I must say,
it boggles the mind,
that these people are so reluctant to go back home.

I mean, if Mexico is really so bad,
how come so many people vacation there?

I pray on that, I do,
and even God seems to have no answer.

Even God, has no answer.

As for the Gonzalezes, they are fine.

Though they were jailed for trespassing and resisting arrest,
we got them out on a work-release program.

And God, in his infinite love and wisdom,
has made the sweetest lemonade,
from this sour mess.

The Gonzalez family,
you will be happy to hear,
is now the official landscaping team,
of the great state,
of South Arizona.

As federal prisoners they get paid a few dollars each day,
which from a public-funds standpoint is recession-friendly.

And they get to feel the pride of a hard day’s work,
a pride that I hope they pass on to their children.

So once again, God’s will is manifest
with a minimum of violence.
Praise the Lord.

You know,
some nights I sit out on my patio,
and I watch the sun set over this great nation.

I think of how our european ancestors struggled
to leave their homelands,
and come to this new frontier,
in hopes of finding joy, and freedom, and prosperity.

How they left everything behind
with nothing but a dream.
The American Dream.

And when I think,

of all our people sacrificed
to come to this great land,
well, it just turns my stomach,
to think that we could lose it all
to some damned immigrants.

Thank you,
and praise God.

Copyright 2010 © Randy Warren

According to his bio, Randy Warren is an ascended master of the material illusion. He has come to Earth to assist in smoothing the transition into the new age. While here, he enjoys many forms of expression, including poetry. Feel free to contact him and offer him money for his myriad talents.