Prom Haiku

I remember my prom ...

no blood like "Carrie"

but tears ... so many tears

Haiku Death Match at Sedona's GumptionFest IV on Saturday, Sept. 5.

Jedi Obama Haiku

His name even sounds

like he was born a Jedi:

Barack Obama

Haiku Death Match at Sedona's GumptionFest IV on Saturday, Sept. 5.

GumptionFest's Haiku Death Match

GumptionFest's Most Excellent Happytime Haiku Death Match & Senryū Battle ("Haiku Death Match" for short) has stepped up a notch.

My pride is the Haiku Death Match banner. It's six-foot vertical banner. I had the idea for the Japanese Rising Sun and employed Christian Jerman to sketch out the lettering.

I painted the thing and I think it looks really cool, considering I am not a visual artist unless it's through PhotoShop.

I plan to keep the banner long after GumptionFest and perhaps host more Haiku Death Matches in the future if the GumptionFest one goes off well.

At this point, the only thing I need to find are a pair of red and not-red matching bandanas and something for me to wear. I have a decent red shirt, hot as hell, or a faux Japanese girl's nightshirt ... don't ask.

Last week, I built the Haiku Death Match Staff of Judgment. Essentially a six-foot tall tuning fork looking thing from pvc pipe and duct tape. I wanted it to be clearly visible from a distance.

It also has 22 bands of red and not-red along the main staff, five for the letters in "haiku" and 17 for the syllables.

The staff is also collapsible so after GumptionFest 4, I can store it easily in my closet.

All made for less than $20.

I made the red and not-red judging flags from duct tape and shishkabobs.

I spoke at the Poetry Salon last week trying to drum up interest among some of Sedona's more page-orientated poets to come out to GumptionFest and read at the Haiku Death Match. I would love to see a few page poets facing off with a few slam poets in the final rounds.

Chuck Norris Haiku

Pick a hero, or Texas Ranger, and writer your haiku about his or her badassitude. All apologies to Chuck Norris ....

Gibraltar Haiku
Spain and Morocco
don't touch anymore. Why not?
Chuck Norris said stop

Guitar Hero Haiku
When Chuck Norris
plays "Guitar Hero," somehow
it gets a body count

Why the World Won't End in 2012 Haiku
The world won't end
in the year 2012
because of Chuck Norris

Murder Investigation Haiku
If the cause of death
is listed as "roundhouse kick"
suspect Chuck Norris

This is Chuck Norris' Sparta Haiku
If Chuck Norris was Spartan,
the film "300"
would have been called "1"

United Nations Haiku
When Chuck Norris
visits the United Nations
he's his own country

Franklin D. Roosevelt Haiku
we have nothing to fear
but fear itself
and the fists of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris' Bathroom Haiku
For toilet paper
Chuck Norris uses stacks
of rusty cheese graters

Bob Marley Haiku
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff,
and then he roundhouse
kicked the deputy

Chuck Norris Mathematics Haiku
irrational numbers
become rational
when they see Chuck Norris

Rome Haiku
Rome would have been built
in a day if Chuck Norris
was the contractor

Chuck Norris in the Bible Haiku
In the beginning,
God said "Let there be light"
Chuck Norris said, "Say please"

Medusa Haiku
Chuck Norris was scared once,
the time he saw Chuck Norris
in a mirror

The following are not my ideas, they are Chuck Norris found haiku gleaned from www.ChuckNorrisFacts.com, www.TheChuckNorrisFacts.com and other Chuck Norris-themed pages. I merely adjusted the word counts to 17 syllables.

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #1
If you have five bucks
and Chuck Norris has five bucks,
He has more than you

Chuck Norris Haiku #2
Chuck Norris's keyboard
has no control button.
'Cause he's in control

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #3
Every time Chuck Norris
listens to a song,
iTunes pays him a dollar.

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #4
No human being
can sneeze with their eyes closed
except one: Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #5
Lays Potato Chips
reads "No One Can Eat Just One"
(except Chuck Norris)

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #6
Everything as far as the eye can see
is "MySpace"
to Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #7
aka
Only One Element in the Universe Haiku
Chuck Norris' periodic table
has one element:
Surprise

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #8
He is so efficient
that Chuck Norris can kill
two stones with one bird

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #9
When the Boogeyman
goes to sleep, he checks his closet
for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #10
Chuck Norris
stares books down
until he gets the information he wants

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #11
Evolution
is just a list of creatures
Chuck Norris has let live

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #12
Outer space
is afraid to be on the same planet
with Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #13
Chuck Norris never sleeps
He merely waits
for the right moment
to strike

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #14
Chuck Norris sued NBC.
he already trademarked
Law and Order [left and right fist]

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #15
Where's Waldo?
He's in hiding because Chuck Norris
came looking for him.

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #16
No one can count to infinity, they say.
But Chuck Norris has.
Twice.

Chuck Norris Haiku #17
Behind the beard of
Chuck Norris, there is no chin.
Just another fist

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #18
Chuck Norris
doesn't exercise with pushups.
He pushes the Earth down.

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #19
Chuck Norris can run so fast
that he can punch himself
before he left.

Chuck Norris Found Haiku # 20
Chuck Norris’s hand
is the only hand that can
beat a Royal Flush

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #21
You can't lead a horse
to water and make it drink.
But Chuck Norris can

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #22
Chuck Norris has no
need for a watch.
Chuck Norris tells time what it is

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #23
When he gets pissed off
Chuck Norris can even slam
a revolving door

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #24
In the cold,
Chuck Norris does not get frostbitten.
Chuck Norris bites frost.

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #25
Soviet Union quit
after watching
a DeltaForce marathon.

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #26
America is
no democracy. it is
a Chucktatorship.

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #27
Chuck Norris' action figure
has slept with more women
than most men

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #28
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire
with a magnifying glass
At night

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #29
Seen Superman pajamas?
Superman wears
Chuck Norris pajamas

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #30
There is no life on Mars
but there once was
before Chuck Norris got there

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #31
Chuck Norris
once kicked a horse in the chin
we call its offspring giraffes

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #32
When Chuck Norris inhales,
he isn't breathing
he's holding air hostage

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #33
aka
Chuck Norris Can't Wear Condoms Haiku
He can't wear condoms
because there is no protection
from Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #34
Chuck Norris does not hunt
hunters sometimes fail
Chuck Norris goes killing

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #35
If Chuck Norris was a country
his chief exports would be
fists and pain

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #36
Chuck Norris donates
blood to the red cross, but he
never gives his own

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #37
Paper beats rock beats
scissors beats paper, but all
yield to Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #38
There are three sides
to the Force: the light side, the dark side,
and Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #39
Chuck Norris never
misspells a word. Webster just
changes the spelling

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #40
When Chuck Norris has
surgery, the doctors get
the anesthesia

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #41
Chuck Norris could put Humpty Dumpty
back together again,
but why?

Chuck Norris Found Haiku #42
The answer to the universe
isn't forty-two,
it is chuck norris

Lando Calrissian Haiku

Jedi fights Sith lords

but who blew up the Death Star?

That's right, me, Lando

Haiku Death Match at Sedona's GumptionFest IV on Saturday, Sept. 5.

Disintegration Haiku

Today is your lucky day.

Darth Vader said,

"No disintegrations"

Haiku Death Match at Sedona's GumptionFest IV on Saturday, Sept. 5.

Counting syllables in haiku is tough? No more

A British computer programmer, Russell McVeigh has solved all the problems for haikusters, a Syllable Counter that counts as you type.

Once you're close to 17 syllables, count them with your accent as it's not 100% accurate to Western American dialect, as in this:

Chuck Norris Haiku # 20
Chuck Norris’ hand
is the only hand that can
beat a Royal Flush

Which only counted 15 syllables, because the British pronunciation is one syllable "rɔɪəl" while Americans break it into "rɔɪ ' əl."

It also didn't count Chuck Norris' as four syllables, just three. Probably because it was scared of Chuck Norris.

Haiku Death Match at Sedona's GumptionFest IV on Saturday, Sept. 5.

Hacker Haiku

one oh oh one oh

oh one one oh one oh oh

one oh, you're pwned, bitch

Haiku Death Match at Sedona's GumptionFest IV on Saturday, Sept. 5.

George Carlin Zen Haiku

George Carlin's Zen Haiku or
The Seven Dirty Words You Can't Say in Haiku
(perform while sitting in the lotus position)

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt,
Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits.
George Carlin. Ohm.


Haiku Death Match at Sedona's GumptionFest IV on Saturday, Sept. 5.

Nuke the Fridge Haiku

Indiana Jones

jumped the shark when Lucas and

Spielberg "nuked the fridge"

Haiku Death Match at Sedona's GumptionFest IV on Saturday, Sept. 5.

"nuke the fridge", verb phrase: Nuke the fridge is a colloquialism used to refer to the moment in a film series that is so incredible that it lessens the excitement of subsequent scenes that rely on more understated action or suspense, and it becomes apparent that a certain installment is not as good as a previous installments, due to ridiculous or low quality storylines, events or characters.
The term comes from the film Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, in which, near the start of the movie, Harrison Ford's character survives a nuclear detonation by climbing into a kitchen fridge, which is then blown hundreds of feet through the sky whilst the town disintegrates. He then emerges from the fridge with no apparent injury. Later in the movie, the audience is expected to fear for his safety in a normal fistfight.
Fans of the Indiana Jones series found the absurdity of this event in the film to be the best example of the lower quality of this installment in the series, and thus coined the phrase, "nuke the fridge".
The phrase is also a reference to the phrase "jump the shark", which has the same meaning, only applied to a television series instead of a film series.

$20 Kiss Haiku

Your kiss is better
than finding twenty dollars
in yesterday's pants

Haiku Death Match at Sedona's GumptionFest IV on Saturday, Sept. 5.

Slam Tutorial: "Found" Poems

A "found poem" is ostensibly a poem that the poet does not write, but instead finds.

"Found poetry" is a type of poetry created by taking words, phrases, and sometimes whole passages from other sources and reframing them as poetry by making changes in spacing and/or lines (and consequently meaning), or by altering the text by additions and/or deletions. The resulting poem can be defined as either treated: changed in a profound and systematic manner; or untreated: virtually unchanged from the order, syntax and meaning of the original.

Found poems take a great deal of effort to locate and rewrite. One of slam poetry's greats is Big Poppa E's "Receipt Found In The Parking Lot Of The Super WalMart," which he readily admits isn't actually a "found poem" but easily could have been.

If you can, try "finding" a poem from an everyday source.

Big Poppa E is one of poetry slam's greats. He was among the first slam poets I ever saw, way back at Mesa's Essenza Coffeehouse in 2000, when most of my fans were still in elementary school. If you enjoy slam, there are a number of books to have on your shelf, not the least of which is Big Poppa E's Greatest Hits: Poems To Read Out Loud "A special collection of dynamic performance poetry by Big Poppa E, perfect for high school and college speech students to use in competition or anyone who mistakenly thinks they hate poetry! BPE is a spoken word artist and three-time HBO Def Poet who melds rhythmic verse, stand-up comedy, and dramatic monologue into explosive works that skewer pop culture, politics, and the pain and beauty of relationships. His musings have led to appearances on BET's The Way We Do It sketch comedy series, National Public Radio, and CBS's 60 Minutes (although, truth be told, he was only on for about three seconds... but still...)."

Slate.com had a bit of fun in 2003 with found poetry, essentially targeting then-Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.

Whether this we an attempt as emasculation or just poking fun at his irritating speaking style, Slate.com wrote: "Rumsfeld's poetry is paradoxical: It uses playful language to address the most somber subjects: war, terrorism, mortality. Much of it is about indirection and evasion: He never faces his subjects head on but weaves away, letting inversions and repetitions confuse and beguile. His work, with its dedication to the fractured rhythms of the plainspoken vernacular, is reminiscent of William Carlos Williams'. Some readers may find that Rumsfeld's gift for offhand, quotidian pronouncements is as entrancing as Frank O'Hara's."

The Poetry of D.H. Rumsfeld:
Recent works by the secretary of defense.

The Unknown

As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.

—Feb. 12, 2002, Department of Defense news briefing

Glass Box
You know, it's the old glass box at the—
At the gas station,
Where you're using those little things
Trying to pick up the prize,
And you can't find it.
It's—

And it's all these arms are going down in there,
And so you keep dropping it
And picking it up again and moving it,
But—

Some of you are probably too young to remember those—
Those glass boxes,
But—

But they used to have them
At all the gas stations
When I was a kid.

—Dec. 6, 2001, Department of Defense news briefing

A Confession
Once in a while,
I'm standing here, doing something.
And I think,
"What in the world am I doing here?"
It's a big surprise.

—May 16, 2001, interview with the New York Times

Happenings
You're going to be told lots of things.
You get told things every day that don't happen.

It doesn't seem to bother people, they don't—
It's printed in the press.
The world thinks all these things happen.
They never happened.

Everyone's so eager to get the story
Before in fact the story's there
That the world is constantly being fed
Things that haven't happened.

All I can tell you is,
It hasn't happened.
It's going to happen.

—Feb. 28, 2003, Department of Defense briefing

The Digital Revolution
Oh my goodness gracious,
What you can buy off the Internet
In terms of overhead photography!

A trained ape can know an awful lot
Of what is going on in this world,
Just by punching on his mouse
For a relatively modest cost!

—June 9, 2001, following European trip

The Situation
Things will not be necessarily continuous.
The fact that they are something other than perfectly continuous
Ought not to be characterized as a pause.
There will be some things that people will see.
There will be some things that people won't see.
And life goes on.

—Oct. 12, 2001, Department of Defense news briefing

Clarity
I think what you'll find,
I think what you'll find is,
Whatever it is we do substantively,
There will be near-perfect clarity
As to what it is.

And it will be known,
And it will be known to the Congress,
And it will be known to you,
Probably before we decide it,
But it will be known.

—Feb. 28, 2003, Department of Defense briefing

Ninja vs. Pirate Haiku

All the world's problems
caused by too many pirates
and too few ninjas

Haiku Death Match at Sedona's GumptionFest IV on Saturday, Sept. 5.

Haiku videos

Note that one's delivery contributes to the haiku, as in Shane Koyczan's insertion of the seemingly unimportant "yes, yes, yes" which adds three syllables to the haiku to make 17.


Big Poppa E (Eirik Ott)'s brilliance in his haiku are not just the haiku themselves, but the titles such as "Bitter Ex-Girlfriend Haiku #75" and "Bitter Ex-Girlfriend Haiku #99." Consider buying Big Poppa E's Greatest Hits: Poems To Read Out Loud if you enjoy good slam poetry from one of its biggest promoters.

Haiku Death Match at Sedona's GumptionFest IV on Saturday, Sept. 5.

Outrunning the Fireball Haiku

Destiny dictates
I will one day run and leap
as building explodes

Haiku Death Match at Sedona's GumptionFest IV on Saturday, Sept. 5.

GumptionFest Web site is now updated!

The new updated GumptionFest IV Web site just went live!
Check it out at www.GumptionFest.com/ Participants can download flyers from this blog or the updated site. Schedules, etc. will appear as we get them loaded.

Jake Wayne Henry haiku

Stuck on a boat
in Alaska with Jake Wayne Henry
I'd be drunk, too

I know Jake is a liquor Jedi
I've never seen him
spill a drop

When he gets drunk
Jake tells stories like the punchline
is always to coming


I thought my fetish was fucked up.
Then I met Jake. Two words:
Hobbit Porn

Haiku Death Match at Sedona's GumptionFest IV on Saturday, Sept. 5.

Photos by Nate Mullins

Sedona Poetry will be busy this month ...

Sedona Area Poetry Events Upcoming poetry events provided by Sedona 510 Poetry
Thursday AUG 20 6-7:30 p.m.	Poetry Salon – poets & writers needed Held on the first and third Thursday of each month, Poetry Salon is for all those writing or wanting to write creatively – prose, poetry, fiction, nonfiction, essays, songwriting, and all other written forms. Moderated by award-winning author and poet Gary Every, each meeting will emphasize different aspects of the craft of creative writing, including writing exercises and group discussion. The Well Red Coyote Creative Writing Salon is meant to provide a safe place for writers to share their work with other writers. What united them all is a passion for written and spoken word. All writers, at all level, are welcome. Listeners are also welcome. Well Red Coyote, 3190 W. Hwy. 89A (at Dry Creek Road), Suite 400, West Sedona. For more information, e-mail Every at ccoledamion@aol.com.
Tuesday AUG 25 5-7 p.m.	Sedona Poetry Open Mic – open mic poets needed Now more than five years old, the Sedona Poetry Open Mic has regularly hosted amateur, professional, performance, page, published and closet poets. All poets, spoken word artists, lyricists, songwriters, rappers, MCs, comedians and storytellers are welcome. If your art can be spoken, come and speak. Nearly 1,000 different poets have spoken on stage since the open mic was founded by its host, veteran slam poet Christopher Fox Graham. Java Love Café, 2155 W. Hwy. 89A (next to Harkins Theatres), Suite 118, West Sedona. To sign up, call Graham at 928-517-1400 or e-mail to foxthepoet@yahoo.com.
Friday AUG 28 6-10 p.m.	Art Has Power – slam poets needed Yavapai College’s Verde Valley Campus hosts a Poetry Slam and Battle of Bands. The poetry slam will be broken up between live bands. All poets are welcome to attend and compete. Hosted by Christopher Fox Graham. Yavapai College, Verde Valley Campus, 601 Black Hills Drive, Clarkdale. For more information, call call Graham at 928-517-1400 or e-mail to foxthepoet@yahoo.com.
Thursday SEPT 3 6:00 to 7:30 p.m.	Poetry Salon – poets & writers needed Held on the first and third Thursday of each month, Poetry Salon is for all those writing or wanting to write creatively – prose, poetry, fiction, nonfiction, essays, songwriting, and all other written forms. Moderated by award-winning author and poet Gary Every, each meeting will emphasize different aspects of the craft of creative writing, including writing exercises and group discussion. The Well Red Coyote Creative Writing Salon is meant to provide a safe place for writers to share their work with other writers. What united them all is a passion for written and spoken word. All writers, at all level, are welcome. Listeners are also welcome. Well Red Coyote, 3190 W. Hwy. 89A (at Dry Creek Road), Suite 400, West Sedona. For more information, e-mail Every at ccoledamion@aol.com.
Friday SEPT 4 6 p.m. to midnight	GumptionFest IV pre-party – performance poets needed The three-day GumptionFest kicks off at Ken’s Creekside, 251 Hwy. 179. The night begins with Sedona’s favorite singer/songwriter Jake Payne at 6 p.m., followed by prolific jazz trio Busker Eaton, guitarist Brandon Cameron Parks-Decker, Flagstaff’s eclectic band Deepa, and the Tempe experimental band, the Dry River Yacht Club. Between all the acts, GumptionFest organizers want a few poets to perform a poem or two in the slots as the bands change the stage. Poets should be performance-oriented, relatively high-energy and able to captivate a drinking crowd. To sign up, call poetry coordinator Christopher Fox Graham at 928-517-1400 or e-mail to foxthepoet@yahoo.com.
Saturday SEPT 5 11 a.m. to 2 a.m.	GumptionFest IV – all poets needed GumptionFest IV revs into gear with Sedona’s annual grassroots arts festival. Now in its fourth year, GumptionFest is one of the city’s More than 100 musical and performance acts will fill the six stages at five venues for the better part of 15 hours. We will need performance poets, slam poets, page poets, spoken word artists, stand-up comedians, improve comics, rappers, MCs, hip-hop artists, verbal ninjas lyrical pirates to fill slots between bands. Poets will need to fill 3-minute to 20-minute slots between acts with a mixture of poetry. Poets can have experience entertaining large crowds or not — the key point is showcasing the diverse poetry community in Sedona and Northern Arizona. Published page poets, slammers, hip-hop MCs and lyrical entertainers are welcome to sign up and take a slot. To sign up in advance, call poetry coordinator Christopher Fox Graham at 928-517-1400 or e-mail to foxthepoet@yahoo.com..
Saturday SEPT 5 ~5 p.m.~	GumptionFest Haiku Death Match – haikusters needed Every year, GumptionFest adds a new poetry event. For GumptionFest IV, the poetry highlight will be a Haiku Death Match in the style of the National Poetry Slam. The Haiku Death Match is a staple of the National Poetry Slam and brings in the best and brightest “brief” poets to prove their mettle in 17 syllables or less. Poets will need around 30 haiku to be able to compete the full bout (They’re super easy to write). For tips on competing in (and winning) a Haiku Death Match, a historical summary of both the ancient Japanese and modern American art form, as well as guidelines for GumptionFest’s first Haiku Death Match, visit Gumptionfest IV Will Have a Haiku Death Match. For further updates on GumptionFest poetry and the Haiku Death Match, visit http://foxthepoet.blogspot.com. To sign up, call poetry coordinator Christopher Fox Graham at 928-517-1400 or e-mail to foxthepoet@yahoo.com.
Sunday SEPT 6	GumptionFest – poets needed GumptionFest will wrap up with a final day of performances. Poets are needed all day long to fill in slots between acts. As poets will likely be performing at different venues from previous days likely in front of completely different audiences, poets can repeat poems with little fear. To sign up in advance, call poetry coordinator Christopher Fox Graham at 928-517-1400 or e-mail to foxthepoet@yahoo.com.
Tuesday SEPT 8 5-7 p.m.	Sedona Poetry Open Mic – open mic poets needed Now more than five years old, the Sedona Poetry Open Mic has regularly hosted amateur, professional, performance, page, published and closet poets. All poets, spoken word artists, lyricists, songwriters, rappers, MCs, comedians and storytellers are welcome. If your art can be spoken, come and speak. Nearly 1,000 different poets have spoken on stage since the open mic was founded by its host, veteran slam poet Christopher Fox Graham. Java Love Café, 2155 W. Hwy. 89A (next to Harkins Theatres), Suite 118, West Sedona. To sign up, call Graham at 928-517-1400 or e-mail to foxthepoet@yahoo.com.
Friday SEPT 11 7:30 p.m.	Sedona Poetry Slam – slam poets needed, $100 prize Sedona’s Studio Live hosts a high-energy poetry slam Friday, Sept. 11, starting at 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $10. All poets are welcome to compete. After three rounds, random judges in the audience will judge the best poet, who will win $100 and three minutes of glory. The slam will be hosted by Sedona poet Christopher Fox Graham, who represented Northern Arizona on the Flagstaff team at four National Poetry Slams between 2001 and 2006. Slammers will need three original poems, each lasting no longer than three minutes. No props, costumes nor musical accompaniment are permitted. The poets will be judged Olympics-style by five members of the audience selected at random at the beginning of the slam. The top poet at the end of the night wins $50. Poets who want to compete should purchase a ticket in case the roster is filled before they arrive. For more information or to register, call Graham at 928-517-1400 or e-mail to foxthepoet@yahoo.com. Video from previous poetry slams are available at www.YouTube.com/FoxThePoet. Studio Live is located at 215 Coffee Pot Drive, Sedona. For more information, visit www.studiolivesedona.com. Tickets are $10, available at Studio Live or Golden Word Books, 3150 W. Hwy. 89A.
Thursday SEPT 17 6:00 to 7:30 p.m.	Poetry Salon – poets & writers needed Held on the first and third Thursday of each month, Poetry Salon is for all those writing or wanting to write creatively – prose, poetry, fiction, nonfiction, essays, songwriting, and all other written forms. Moderated by award-winning author and poet Gary Every, each meeting will emphasize different aspects of the craft of creative writing, including writing exercises and group discussion. The Well Red Coyote Creative Writing Salon is meant to provide a safe place for writers to share their work with other writers. What united them all is a passion for written and spoken word. All writers, at all level, are welcome. Listeners are also welcome. Well Red Coyote, 3190 W. Hwy. 89A (at Dry Creek Road), Suite 400, West Sedona. For more information, e-mail Every at ccoledamion@aol.com.
Saturday SEPT 19 5-10 p.m.	Sedona Showcase – performance poets needed The Sedona Showcase is an invitation-only performance night featuring some of Sedona’s best and brightest acts. Featuring poetry, music, dance and theater, the Sedona Showcase has been an artistic staple in Sedona’s summer arts scene for more than five years. Founded and hosted by Daniel Holland, the Sedona Showcase takes place at the outdoor stage at Szechuan Martini Bar, 1350 W. Hwy. 89A, Suite 21. The Sedona Showcase is looking to incorporate more performance poets. To sign up, contact Holland’s co-host Christopher Fox Graham at foxthepoet@yahoo.com.
Tuesday SEPT 22 5-7 p.m.	Sedona Poetry Open Mic – open mic poets needed Now more than five years old, the Sedona Poetry Open Mic has regularly hosted amateur, professional, performance, page, published and closet poets. All poets, spoken word artists, lyricists, songwriters, rappers, MCs, comedians and storytellers are welcome. If your art can be spoken, come and speak. Nearly 1,000 different poets have spoken on stage since the open mic was founded by its host, veteran slam poet Christopher Fox Graham. Java Love Café, 2155 W. Hwy. 89A (next to Harkins Theatres), Suite 118, West Sedona. To sign up, call Graham at 928-517-1400 or e-mail to foxthepoet@yahoo.com.
For more information on any event, call Christopher Fox Graham at 928-517-1400, e-mail to foxthepoet@yahoo.com, or visit http://foxthepoet.blogspot.com/ or http://www.facebook.com/FoxthePoet

Dance Sequence Haiku

In my head, my life:

one long song-and-dance sequence

and my moves: flawless

Haiku Death Match at Sedona's GumptionFest IV on Saturday, Sept. 5.

Knaw on a brain and write some Zombie Haiku

Zombie Haiku
Brains ... brains ... brains ... brains ... brains ...
Brains ... brains ... brains ... brains ... brains ... brains ... brai--
Ooo, look, a kitty!

Haiku Death Match at Sedona's GumptionFest IV on Saturday, Sept. 5.

When in doubt, zombies make great topics for haiku. They embrace our fear of death, our love of the macabre, and our sense of humor. Zombie haiku have a rich history, as odd as that sounds, by other famous poets:

Back to the buffet
for second helpings-
Care for a rump of infant?

- Billy Collins, former U.S. Poet Laureate

Wake up to the sound
Of puppies being eaten
No more chewed slippers

- Gail Simone, author of Wonder Woman and Secret Six

Will this barricade
Keep the walking dead at bay?
Only time will tell...

- Scott Kenemore, author of "Zen of Zombie: Better Living Through The Undead"

If zombies smoked pot
maybe they would skip the brains
and settle for cake.

- Doug Benson, writer and comedian regularly seen on Best Week Ever

Zombie Love Song
You are my desire.
Eating your luscious love thoughts
My Junk Just Dropped Off

- Christopher Moore, author of You Suck: A Love Story

Veins and brains are tough
Stringy bits catch in my teeth
Chew well, then swallow

- Jeff Mariotte, author of River Runs Red

Brain famine. Eat cold
porridge, rotten possum, wet
lint. Wolves. Ashes. Gray things.

- Andrew Hudgins, author of After the Lost War and Shut Up You're Fine: Instructive Poetry for Very Very, Bad Children

The day I died you
tried to put a bullet in
my head. You missed. Lunch!

- David Wellington, author of the Monster Island: A Zombie Novel

Brain-eating monsters
Make disappointing lovers
Because of the fear

- Michael Ian Black, comedian and writer of My Custom Van: And 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays That Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face

After the Zombie Apocalypse
Stroke her oozing face
Our culture defines beauty
Rot is lovely now

- Catherine Cheek, author of a zombie short story "She's Taking Her Tits to the Grave" in The Living Dead anthology

end of everything
death consumes all and walks on
long zombie winter

- Lisa Morton, author of The Halloween Encyclopedia and The Cinema of Tsui Hark

Ryan Mecum's book, "Zombie Haiku: Good Poetry For Your...Brains" is a great collection of zombie haiku, written almost narratively as the protagonist enjoys a normal day, is set upon by zombies, gets turned, and continues to write poetry. A few examples:

A man starts yelling
"When there's no more room in hell..."
but then we eat him.

Always be careful
when you're biting teeth with teeth.
Dead teeth tend to lose.

The two of us take turns.
I chew when he bites and tears.
When I bite, he chews.

The city is dead.
Streets are just filled with people
who aren't quite people.

Biting into heads
is much harder than it looks.
the skull is feisty.

Mecum also wrote a number of zombie haiku as though famous poets had written them:

Zombie Haiku by Dylan Thomas
Do not go gentle
into that zombie plagued night.
And take the shotgun.

Zombie Haiku by Sylvia Plath
From head to black shoe,
daddy, I had to eat you
because I’m starving.

Zombie Haiku by Robert Frost
Two lobes in the skull.
I eat the bloodier one –
not much difference.

Zombie Haiku by e.e. cummings
if anyone lived
in this wretched how town (they)
would be soon eaten.

Zombie Haiku by Emily Dickinson
I heard a fly buzz
when I became a zombie.
That was one loud bug.

Zombie Haiku by Walt Whitman
Every skin atom
form’d from this soil, this air,
tastes like chicken meat.

Zombie Haiku by William Shakespeare
To bite through the skull
or beat it against the wall?
That is the question.

Zombie Haiku by Edgar Allen Poe
Beside of the sea
I killed my Annabel Lee
because zombies do that.

Zombie Haiku by Theodore Roethke
I knew a woman,
piled up once I ate her,
lovely in her bones.