This is the official blog of Northern Arizona slam poet Christopher Fox Graham. Begun in 2002, and transferred to blogspot in 2006, FoxTheBlog has recorded more than 1.6 million views since 2009. This blog cover's Graham's poetry, the Arizona poetry slam community and offers tips for slam poets from sources around the Internet. Read CFG's full biography here. Looking for just that one poem? You know the one ... click here to find it.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

"Star Wars vs Star Trek" by Faldwin J. Bard and Christopher Fox Graham

The Shonare Vhekadla clan of the Manadalorian Mercs surprise
Faldwin J. Bardand Christopher Fox Graham at Bookmans
Here it is, nerds of the world. The duo poem Faldwin J. Bard and I wrote together for our Sunday, Nov. 20, poetry feature at Sundara in Flagstaff.

Writing with Faldwin was a lot of fun. We wrote the poem at Bookmans in Flagstaff, which coincidentally was visited that day by the Shonare Vhekadla clan of the Manadalorian Mercs.

Of course, I had my lightsabers in the truck and I was wearing my vintage Star Wars T-shirt, so, well perfect.


Beneath this handsome exterior


beats the heart of a nerd
and not your typical


“I’ve read the novelizations of the Harry Potter movies”
nerd
nerd
or “I Wikipediaed ‘Twilight’ to sleep with the girl at Bookman’s”

nerd
nerd

No
we’re NERDS
we’re NERDS
Spend six months working on a costume for a three-day convention

NERDS
NERDS

Memorize the inner workings of interstellar starships
NERDS
NERDS
Spend more money on an authentic prop than I do on my girlfriend

NERDS
NERDS

Become fluent in a fictional language I’ll never be able to put on my resume
NERDS
NERDS
we devote our life to the greatest space epic of all time
we devote our life to the greatest space epic of all time
filled with alien races from exotic worlds


interstellar travel with impressive special effects
grand galactic space battles


exploding torpedoes
Of, course we’re talking about

Star
Star
Wars    Trek
Trek
Star Trek?
Star Wars?
Pointy-eared Vulcans and color-coded pajamas?


Wrinkly green gnomes and shit-colored bathrobes?
How is Star Trek better than Star Wars?


One word: Klingons


You mean wet dream machines for filler episodes?


Yeah ’cause nerds need to point out we only get laid once every seven years


So what’s so great about Star Wars?
Jedi Knights with Lightsabers


Grown men dancing around with flashlights?
The Force


Yeah, it was totally cool when Matilda did it
Mandalorians


Midi-chlorians. ‘Nuff said.

At least my technology makes sense

Give me some dilithium crystals and a forcefield and I can build you a warpdrive

because I have the specs for that memorized

I doubt you can build a lightsaber
Whatever, I prefer my space epic focus on the characters not “Treknobabble

You fix a busted hyperdrive the same way you fix a busted TV

You hit it with Wookie


“Calibrates the vertarium cortenide power grid with compressed personnel transporters”


Why would you use vertarium cortenide for personnel transports?

The molecular structure isn’t complex enough to handle organic lifeforms
Stop! It’s not about technology, it’s about characters



C3PO is just a rusty servant with a shitty British accent


Did you just insult the silky smooth baritone of Capt. Jean-Luc Picard

the Barry White of the Milky Way?

at least he doesn’t sound like he’s been smoking two packs a day for 800 years

“emphysema, I have”

who trained Obi-Wan Kenobi,
“tumor causing, teeth staining,
smelly, puking habit”
Star Wars is a modern retelling of ancient Greek heroic epics:

a boy becomes a man

finds his father

Rescues him from himself

and saves the galaxy


or he’s a whiny brat with daddy issues who kisses his own sister
But with the Force

Star Wars is better (said while doing the Jedi Mind Trick)


Seriously?

Don’t use your Jedi Mind Trick on me

I will mindmeld your ass

faster than you can say Pon Farr
Wait, what’s the difference between a Vulcan and a Romulan again?


I’d explain, but we don’t have all night

Isn’t an Ewok a dwarf Wookie?
Lightsabers!


Holodecks!
The Force!


Mindmelds!
Mandalorians!


Klingons!
Gorram-it!
Gorram-it!

Wait, did you just say “gorram-it”?
Yeah


Shiny. You like “Firefly”?
Of course. Cowboys in space. What’s not to like?



So hot
So hot

It’s so messed up that it got canceled
Yeah, what the hell was Fox thinking?

(exit stage together)
(exit stage together)

Azami with the Shonare Vhekadla clan of the
Manadalorian Mercs at Bookmans
Azami sent the Mandalorians over to our table. Which is one reason why she's awesome.

Saturday, November 19, 2011



Triple Poetry Feature
Faldwin J. Bard, 
Frank O'Brien and 
Christopher Fox Graham
Sunday, Nov. 20, 6 to 8 p.m. at
Sundara Boutique & Gallery
22 East Route 66, Flagstaff, AZ 86001


These three poets won the high stakes slam 2 weeks ago, for the right to perform in their own show.
This is that show.
For just $2 you can't NOT show up to hear some of Flagstaff and Northern Arizona's best voices, doing their best work.



Faldwin J. Bard
Faldwin J. Bard is a 21-year-old student who does poetry about everything from garden gnomes, to the trials and joys of being queer.
There are probably other interesting things about Faldwin, but you'll have to talk to him to find out. Or go to this show. Preferably both.



Christopher Fox Graham
Christopher Fox Graham is a Montana-born boy raised in Arizona. A slam poet since 2001 and newspaper editor since 2004, he currently hosts the Sedona Poetry Slam and Sedona Poetry open mic.
A member of the first FlagSlam poetry team in 2001, he toured the United States for three months in 2002, won the 2004 Northern Arizona Poetry Grand Slam, the 2005 Arizona All-Star Poetry Slam, and was a member of the 2001, 2004, 2005, 2006 and 2010 Flagstaff National Poetry Slam Teams, which competed around the Southwest and at Nationals. He was also a National Poetry Slam bout manager in 2003 and a venue manager in 2011. He has performed for MTV, on The Travel Channel, published four books of poetry, appeared in 10 spoken word anthologies and on 3 DVDs.
Graham also runs FoxThePoet, a poetry blog.



Frank O'Brien
Frank O'Brien discovered slam poetry in Flagstaff in 2007, and has been a member of the ever growing FlagSlam family since. 
He represented the town at the 2008, 2009 and 2010 National Poetry Slams, and even remembers most of what happened. 
His favorite pastimes are epic fantasy novels, video games, playing with blind dogs and discussing the intricate workings of the universe with his nemesis, Ryan Brown.