Fearless

Our daughter Athena is almost never afraid of anything, including heights

 

“Secretariat” by Christopher Fox Graham, with thanks to Wayne Henry

“Secretariat”

by Christopher Fox Graham,

with thanks to Wayne Henry

my daughter has a big heart
as big as a horse

she was born that way
you can see it in the way she hugs
the way she waves to anyone
the way she sprints at full gallop
when she sees her mother or me at the end of a day
the way she says “bye bye”
bringing joy to strangers who may never see her again
they may not
because my daughter has a big heart
she was born that way

we knew we were going to love her
from the moment we knew we were pregnant
she was going to have a big heart
full of love
because we were full of love for her
we wanted nothing more than to have a daughter
half her mother, half me
we could raise in the way we were not
free of judgment
or useless tradition
a wild horse,
untamed and untamable

in the days before she was born
we found she had big heart
too big
we heard an unusual murmur
caught by the ultrasound
a hiccup of the heart
too big for her tiny chest
larger than it should be
anterior ventricular aneurysm
a bulge where the muscles of a valve
had not yet formed
not strong enough to beat her little heart on its own
and maybe would never

my wife could carry her to term but after that
the labor could rupture her heart
could tear it after birth
or it could gallop like a thoroughbred then

     … just stop …

for no reason and not beat again

six days in intensive care,
six hours in an MRI
we took her home
a probe attached to her chest we had to change daily
when we put her down to sleep
we were not sure if she would wake up
we checked on her hourly
to make sure she was still alive
still breathing,
her heart beating like the hooves of a Clydesdale

but this creature,
half me,
half her mother
was full of love
though she did not know the word
but she taught it to us
our hearts swelled to carry the burden hers could not

she has a big heart
as big as a horse
she was born that way
and she has survived
because she has a big heart like Secretariat
whose mighty heart
was three times the size of a normal horse

it should have killed him
all that passion and desire to win,
to race
to succeed,
pushing him down the track
around the curves

at the Kentucky Derby

each leg faster than the last

winning in under two minutes

at Preakness

where he started last and leaped ahead so famously

they made a statute of him doing it

at Belmont Stakes

where he won the Triple Crown by 31 lengths

the widest margin in racing history

he had a big heart
he was born that way
he did not stop and she will not
because she has a big heart
she was born that way

so if you meet her
and she waves, wave back
say bye when she leaves
because you may not see her again
and not because she's gone
but because she’s so far down the track
so far ahead of us
you cannot see her
just the dust she's left behind
get to know her now,
because I don't know where she's headed
but she'll arrive
long before the rest of us
because my daughter
she has a big heart
she was born that way

"Hi, Moon," by Christopher Fox Graham

She says “hi, moon,”
like they are old friends.

With every day I spend with her
I wonder if they are

She knows where the moon is in the sky when I do not,
and I have been walking on this earth
compass in hand,
for 40 times her life

I rarely get lost

yet, she seems to know
where her old friend is
every time we see him

She says hi to the stars
reaches up like she can touch them

I want to explain to her
the distance
of light years

How the balls of fire we see in the sky
are millions of years older than us
And even in our fastest ship
We will never reach them in our lifetime

I want to explain these things her
but she's not old enough to understand the words

And I wonder

if she's right

Because, truthfully,
I do not know the length of a light year

I have read it in books
been told by wiser men and women than me

And I believe them

because that is what we must do
to survive this world:
believe those who study these things
so we can go about our day
living

So I wonder if she's right

If I reach out my hand and say “hi, star”
with the same enthusiasm that she does

Will I hear them speak back?

When they reach through the night sky
when no one else is looking
shake hands with me,
Touch my fingers to theirs?
Say,
“It has been some time since we've spoken.
How are you?
We are doing fine
up here in the night
watching you down there
learning to learn
learning how things grow
feeling how things feel
what gravity is
what knees are

I wonder
if she their ambassador to us
or just another traveler

right now, it doesn't matter
because she's waving hello to the moon again

and I can't prove it
but I swear I saw him wave back

Predict when our daughter will be born

Our pediatricians say our daughter's due date is Saturday, June 9. Laura has had a smooth pregnancy with no complications. This will be our first child.
On what date do you predict our daughter, Athena Zelda Nebula Skye Sylvia Diana Fox Graham, will actually be born?

Click here to vote

"Our Death is in Your Belly" by Christopher Fox Graham

our death is in your belly
a mass of muscle and sinew
stitching with her own needle

four helixes into two

a ribbon dancer

pirouetting with our DNA

in a 40-week recital before leaping forth,

half-you-half-me
and ending our lives

our death is in your belly
because before her
we were strangers

boy                  and                  girl

ping-ponging                  across                  the                  continent

until we collided hips into a moment

when we both forgot our names

shed our skins into each other

poured and swallowed our best intentions

two short lifetimes of sins and sorrows

into hope of something better than us both

our death is in your belly
because once she arrives
reforming us into something new

we will no longer be Self and Other

but Her

entire

and no shatter of time
nor territory
can unmake the magic
we distilled into her cells

our death is in your belly
bearing a name we have chosen but not yet bestowed
a name she will shape
with experiences chiseled from scraped knees and first kisses
painting her legacy across the tongue of history
until he speaks her story
into the generations hence

whatever name we articulate
afterward, the echoed men and women will call her

the name trees have 

for earthquakes

the noun waves use

for tsunamis

or what shattered moons 

call the supernovae

that reduced them 

to asteroids

our death is in your belly
and when she cuts umbilical
the arrogant World will know his greatest sin
was not anticipating her arrival
not building enough bomb shelters to preserve his deceptions
not assembling an army to resist her

so she will leave in wreckage his broken promises
turn into refugees the Should-Haves and Might-Have-Dones
that civilizations left behind in the vapor around their stone monuments

you

will be the mother who bore the joyous cataclysm

and I

will be the failure

she will rectify

in her own time

our death is in your belly

how we die

will be up to us

                  and what kills us

                  up to fate

but she will be our death

the last face we see

the last hand we hold

the last voice we hear

as the light dims in our irises

as the mechanics slow

to a dull whisper

as the organs take well-earned vacation

from life-long labor

and she,

looking back

will be the price paid

for all we have endured

she will be our death

the daughter to bury us both

first one,

then the other

she will be our death
judging whether our lives be worthy of eulogy
she will inscribe the epitaph
telling the world
what we have left behind

whatever she writes

will be for her,

not us

for us,

she is what we left behind

she will forge the fire

our privilege was to light the flame

she will be our death
and I can hear the rumblings of our doom
when I press my ear against your belly

she sounds like gods 

of 6,000 mythologies ...

... trembling

she sounds like a love song 

stars sing to each other

she sounds like Four Horsemen 

before loosening themselves upon the World

she sounds like a poem 

just before it is spoken

she sounds like revolution 

wrapped around the first bullet

she sounds the whisper in the night 

that ignites 

the

Big

Bang

she sounds like the ache 

of our first kiss

when it was still partitioned on our lips
knowing our next moment
would end in death for us both

but a little girl we have yet to meet

would ferry us into the dark

unafraid of what may 

not 

come

next

Athena Zelda Nebula Skye Sylvia Diana Fox Graham's House Crest

This is the official House Crest of our daughter, Athena Zelda Nebula Skye Sylvia Diana Fox Graham:

Because my last name is Graham, not "Fox Graham" as some people assume, I made Athena a new crest that reflects the difference in her last name.

All eight of her names are represented:

Athena:

 Greek goddess of wisdom and war strategy who sprung fully armored from the head of Zeus.

Athena went by many epithets:

• Athena was most commonly Pallas Athena Παλλάς Ἀθηνᾶ, derived either from πάλλω, meaning "to brandish [as a weapon]", or, more likely, from παλλακίς and related words, meaning "youth, young woman."Athena never had a consort or lover and is thus known as Athena Parthenos Ἀθηνᾶ Παρθένος, from which is derived the name of the Parthenon, the major temple on the Acropolis in Athens.
• Athena Promachos Ἀθηνᾶ Πρόμαχος "Athena who fights in the front line" celebrated her role as a warrior, though she was worshiped by the Greeks not for her fighting prowess, but for her strategic military wisdom. Athena Promachos was also the name of a colossal bronze statue of Athena sculpted by Pheidias, which stood between the Propylaea and the Parthenon on the Acropolis. Erected around 456 BC, the Athena Promachos was either to memorialize the Battle of Marathon (490 BC) or the Persian Wars (First Persian War 492-490 BC, Second Persian War 480-479 BC, Wars of the Delian League 477–449 BC), which is possibly what the dedicatory inscription refers to; This inscription also mentions that the trophies won in the Persian War were once placed around the pedestal of the statue.
• Athena Atrytone Ἀθηνᾶ Άτρυτώνη "Athena the Unwearying."
• Athena Areia Ἀθηνᾶ Ἀρεία "Athena the noble"
• Athena Ergane Ἀθηνᾶ Εργάνη "Athena the Industrious."
• Athena Polias Ἀθηνᾶ Πολιάς "Athena of the city", refers to Athena's role as protectress of the city of Athens.
• Athena Hippia Ἀθηνᾶ Ἵππια "Athena of the horses, refers to her role as a patron of equestrians.
• Athena Hellotia Ἀθηνᾶ Ἑλλωτίᾶ was an epithet of Athena at Corinth
• Athena, Apollo, Hermes, Hecate, Aphrodite and Artemis sometimes had the epithet Kourotrophos Kουροτρόφος or "child nurturer" added to the name as a patron of children and young people. In art, they were depicted holding a baby in their arms. Kourotrophos was also a stand-alone deity of Athens who protected of children and young people.
• Athena Itonia Ἀθηνᾶ Ἰτωνία was an epithet of Athena worshiped widely in Thessaly, derived from the town of Iton in the south of Phthiotis, the home of Achilles. Athena Itonia was a goddess of war and the arts of peace, especially poetry.
• Athena Budeia Ἀθηνᾶ Βούδεια "Athena the oxen-yoker" was a surname of Athena in Thessaly.
• Athena Anemotis Ἀθηνᾶ Ἀνεμῶτις "Athena of the Anemoi" aka "Athena, subduer of the winds". The main four Anemoi were the cold north wind Boreas, the gentle west wind Zephyrus, the hot south wind Notus, and the strong east wind Eurus. The lesser wind was Kaikais of the northeast, Apeilotes of the wind from the rising sun, Skiron of the from the Scironian from the northwest, and Lips of the southwest.
• Athena Ambulia Ἀθηνᾶ Ἀμβουλία was her name in Sparta, supposed to be derived from the Greek anaballo ἀναβάλλω, "to delay" and to designate those divinities as the delayers of death. Ambulia shares the same root word of ambulance, which, well, delays death.
• Athena Alkidemos Ἀθηνᾶ Αλκιδεμοσ "Athena defender of the people" was the epithet of Athena of Pella, Macedonia. Athena Alkidemos was depicted with a thunderbolt and shield, or aegis.

In any case, this is Athena Parthenos in the crest, accompanied by her traditional Little Owl (Athene noctua):

Zelda:

For Zelda Fitzgerald and Princess Zelda

Zelda Fitzgerald, née Sayre (July 24, 1900-March 10, 1948) was an American socialite, novelist, painter and wife of author F. Scott Fitzgerald. She was noted for her beauty and high spirits, and was dubbed by her husband as "the first American Flapper". She and Scott became emblems of the Jazz Age. She served as the model for Daisy Buchanan in F. Scott Fitzgerald's 1925 novel "The Great Gatsby."

Princess Zelda is the titular character in Nintendo's "The Legend of Zelda" video game series, created by Shigeru Miyamoto and introduced in its original entry in 1986. According to Miyamoto, Princess Zelda was named for Zelda Fitzgerald.
The name has applied to many female members of Hyrule's royal family, which includes several distinct characters in Hyrule legend. Zelda's alter egos include the ninja Sheik in Ocarina of Time and the pirate Tetra in The Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass. 

This is Princess Zelda in the crest as she is seen in the 2006 game "Twilight Princess"

Nebula:

For astrophysics

This part of the crest shows the region of space in Orion, with the Horsehead Nebula (Officially named Barnard 33, Right ascension: 05h 40m 59.0s Declination: −02° 27′ 30.0").

Lying 1,500 light-years from the sun, just south of the easternmost star in Orion's Belt, the Horsehead Nebula at first glance appears to be a distinctive hole cut in the vibrant backdrop of another nebula, IC 434. However, the darkness is actually a cloud of predominantly hydrogen gas that stands out because of the glow from the pinkish background gas. Known as an emission cloud, the intriguing shape of the nebula is sculpted by radiation from the stars around it. The dark gas extends below the more obvious horse's head into a shapeless blob beneath it.
The Horsehead Nebula is also important to the role of women in astrophysics: In 1894, American astronomer Edward Barnard photographed the distinctive nebula from the Lick Observatory in California, adding it to his list of dark nebula and resulting in its official moniker, but it was first imaged at Harvard College Observatory in 1888 on photographic plates.

Frustrated with his male assistants, astronomy professor Edward Pickering famously claimed that his maid could do a better job of identifying and cataloging the extensive collection of images taken at the observatory. He hired his maid, Williamina Fleming, along with several other women, who became known as "computers." Fleming proved Pickering's point. 

In addition to discovering the Horsehead Nebula, Williamina Fleming discovered 58 other gaseous nebulae, 10 novae and more than 300 variable stars. She eventually became the first American woman to be elected an honorary member of the Royal Astronomical Society of London.

The Horsehead Nebula appears in the background, positioned between Athena and Diana:

Skye:

The largest and northernmost of the major islands in the Inner Hebrides of Scotland

The Isle of Skye [An t-Eilean Sgitheanach or Eilean a' Cheò] has been occupied since the Mesolithic period, and its history includes a time of Norse rule and a long period of domination by Clan MacLeod and Clan Donald. The 18th century Jacobite risings led to the breaking up of the clan system and subsequent Clearances that replaced entire communities with sheep farms, some of which also involved forced emigrations to distant lands. Resident numbers declined from over 20,000 in the early 19th century to just under 9,000 by the closing decade of the 20th century. About a third of the residents were Gaelic speakers in 2001, and although their numbers are in decline, this aspect of island culture remains important.
The island's largest settlement is Portree [Port Rìgh], known for its picturesque harbour, where my mother and I stayed when we visited Scotland.
We also visited Dunvegan [Dùn Bheagain] Castle, seat of the chief of Clan MacLeod, hiked to the Neist Point Lighthouse and visited the village of Uig, [Ùige],  which at 57.586°N, is the northernmost point on Earth that either of us have ever been.

I had always wanted to visit Skye. I like the name and I loved the The Skye Boat Song, one of the few songs I can sing in tune from memory. "The Skye Boat Song" is a Scottish folk song, which can be played as a waltz, recalling the escape of Prince Charles Edward Stuart (Bonnie Prince Charlie) from Uist to the Isle of Skye after his defeat at the Battle of Culloden in 1746. The Graham Clan were Jacobites for two generations and many fell at Culloden, near Inverness, both of which we also visited.

The Skye Boat Song

Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,
Onward! the sailors cry;
Carry the lad that's born to be King
Over the sea to Skye.

Loud the winds howl, loud the waves roar,
Thunderclaps rend the air;
Baffled, our foes stand by the shore,
Follow they will not dare.

Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,
Onward! the sailors cry;
Carry the lad that's born to be King
Over the sea to Skye.

Though the waves leap, soft shall ye sleep,
Ocean's a royal bed.
Rocked in the deep, Flora will keep
Watch by your weary head.

Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,
Onward! the sailors cry;
Carry the lad that's born to be King
Over the sea to Skye.

Many's the lad fought on that day,
Well the claymore could wield,
When the night came, silently lay
Dead on Culloden's field.

Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,
Onward! the sailors cry;
Carry the lad that's born to be King
Over the sea to Skye.

Burned are their homes, exile and death
Scatter the loyal men;
Yet ere the sword cool in the sheath
Charlie will come again.

The Isle of Skye, has its own tartan, which is located on Princess Zelda's dress:

Sylvia:

A family name

Sylvia is the name of my mother Sylvia L. Elliott née Redfield, grandmother Sylvia Rebie Redfield née Slife and great-grandmother Rebie Sylvia Slife née McElwee.

Silvia is an Italian female given name of Latin origin, with English-language cognate Sylvia. The name originates from the Latin word for forest Silva and its meaning is spirit of the wood. The mythological god of the forest was associated with the figure of Silvanus.

In Roman mythology, Silvia is the goddess of the forest.

Rhea Silvia was the mother of Romulus and Remus. According to Livy's account of the legend she was the daughter of Numitor, king of Alba Longa, and descended from Aeneas. Numitor's younger brother Amulius seized the throne and killed Numitor's son, then forced Rhea Silvia to become a Vestal Virgin, a priestess of the goddess Vesta. As Vestal Virgins were sworn to celibacy for a period of thirty years, this would ensure the line of Numitor had no heirs.
However, Rhea Silvia conceived and gave birth to the twins Romulus and Remus. She claimed that the god Mars was the father of the children.
When Amulius learned of the birth he imprisoned Rhea Silvia and ordered a servant to kill the twins. But the servant showed mercy and set them adrift on the river Tiber, which, overflowing, left the infants in a pool by the bank. There, a she-wolf (lupa), who had just lost her own cubs, suckled them.[4] Subsequently Faustulus rescued the boys, to be raised by his wife Larentia.[5] The god of the Tiber, Tiberinus, rescued Rhea Silvia and took her to be his bride.
Romulus would go on to found Rome, overthrow Amulius, and reinstate Numitor as King of Alba Longa.

St. Silvia or Sylvia (circa A.D. 515 to circa A.D. 592) was the mother of Saint Gregory the Great. Silvia was noted for her great piety, and she gave her sons an excellent education. After the death of her husband Gordian in 573, Gregory converted his paternal home into a monastery. Sylvia therefore retired to a solitary and quasi-monastic life in a little abode near the Church of St. Sava on the Aventine, devoting herself entirely to religion in the "new cell by the gate of blessed Paul" (cella nova juxta portam beati Pauli).  It became her custom frequently to send fresh vegetables to her son on a silver platter. One day, when Gregory found himself with nothing to give a poor beggar, he presented him with the silver platter.

The veneration of St. Silvia is of early date. In the ninth century an oratory was erected over her former dwelling, near the Basilica of San Saba. Pope Clement VIII (1592-1605) inserted her name under Nov. 3 in the Roman Martyrology.

St. Sylvia is invoked by pregnant women for a safe delivery. Coincidently, my mother Sylvia L. Elliott née Redfield and great-grandmother Rebie Sylvia Slife née McElwee were both nurses and my mother current works as a risk manager for Chandler Regional Hospital, southeast of Phoenix.

St. Sylvia's sliver platter appears below Athena's feet:

Diana:

Roman goddess of the hunt, the moon and nature, daughter of Jupiter and Latona.

Diana is a variation on Laura's mother's middle name, Diane.

As Diana was the goddess of the hunt, the moon and nature, she was associated with wild animals and woodland, and having the power to talk to and control animals. She was equated with the Greek goddess Artemis, though she had an independent origin in Italy.

Diana was known as the virgin goddess of childbirth and women. She was one of the three maiden goddesses, along with Minerva (Greek: Athena) and Vesta (Greek: Hestia), who swore never to marry. Oak groves and deer were especially sacred to her.

The Roman Diana was born with her twin brother, Apollo, on the island of Delos near Mykonos, near the centre of the Cyclades archipelago. Diana is the daughter of Jupiter [Greek: Zeus] and Latona [Greek: Leto, daughter of the Titans Coeus and Phoebe, the sister of Asteria]. She made up a triad with two other Roman deities; Egeria the water nymph, her servant and assistant midwife; and Virbius [Greek: Hippolytus], the woodland god.

Diana was one of the triple goddess, the same goddess being called Luna in heaven, Diana on earth and Proserpina in Hades or hell.

Diana is complex and contains a number of archaic features. According to French comparative philologistGeorges Dumézil [1898-1986] it falls into a particular subset of celestial gods, referred to in histories of religion as "frame gods." Such gods, while keeping the original features of celestial divinities, i.e. transcendent heavenly power and abstention from direct rule in worldly matters, did not share the fate of other celestial gods in Indoeuropean religions — that of becoming dei otiosi or gods without practical purpose, since they did retain a particular sort of influence over the world and mankind.

The celestial character of Diana is reflected in her connection with inaccessibility, virginity, light and her preference for dwelling on high mountains and in sacred woods. Diana reflects the heavenly world (diuum means sky or open air) in its sovereignty, supremacy, impassibility and indifference towards such secular matters as the fates of mortals and states. At the same time, however, she is seen as active in ensuring the succession of kings and in the preservation of humankind through the protection of childbirth.

These functions are apparent in the traditional institutions and cults related to the goddess.

• The institution of the rex Nemorensis, Diana's sacerdos (priest) in the Arician wood, who held the position until someone else challenged and killed him in a duel, after breaking a branch from a certain tree of the wood. This ever open succession reveals the character and mission of the goddess as a guarantor of kingly status through successive generations. Her function as bestower of authority to rule is also attested in the story related by Livy in which a Sabine man who sacrifices a heifer to Diana wins for his country the seat of the Roman empire.
• Diana was also worshiped by women who wanted to be pregnant or who, once pregnant, prayed for an easy delivery. This form of worship is attested in archaeological finds of votive statuettes in her sanctuary in the nemus Aricinum as well as in ancient sources.

As a goddess of hunting, Diana often wears a short tunic and hunting boots. She is often portrayed holding a bow, and carrying a quiver on her shoulder, accompanied by a deer or hunting dogs. Like Venus [Greek: Aphrodite], she was portrayed as beautiful and youthful. The crescent moon, sometimes worn as a diadem, is a major attribute of the goddess. In Rome, the cult of Diana should have been almost as old as the city itself as Roman scholar and writer Marcus Terentius Varro [116 BC – 27 BC] mentions her in the list of deities to whom King Titus Tatius of the Sabines vowed a shrine.

Diana is also the true name and identity of DC superhero Wonder Woman aka Diana Prince.

Diana appears as an archer here:

Fox Graham:

For obvious reasons

Not much to add to this one, other than Fox Graham is my middle and last name

 The House Graham crest that I've been using for a few years appears on Athena's belt here:

The House Crest Motto:

Appears here: