"Enraptured" by Randy Warren

Enraptured
By Randy Warren

It seems for most my life,
we’ve been waiting for the day.
The day everything changes,
and all the bad things go away.

We had Harmonic Convergence.
Millennium came and went.
We watched for love’s emergence,
but those dates, made not a dent.

And now with 2012 a-looming,
all of us are now assuming
that we soon will go a-zooming
to our final fate.

But I for one am truly hoping
that we all can stop our moping
and begin our fruitful groping
for another date:

The Rapture.

For those of you who aren’t aware,
the Rapture is that last day where
the dead will rise up from their graves
and all good Christians will be saved!

Their bodies will evaporate,
their mortals souls will elevate.
The trumpets sound,
and all around ... there’ll be no Christians to be found.

And what becomes of all the rest?
Those poor souls who just “did their best”,
and spent their Sundays sleeping in,
and actually enjoyed their sin?

Well, first we’ll form the cleaning crews
collecting jewelry, clothes and shoes,
and other things, too much to mention,
the Christians dropped in their ascension.

And then there’ll be a global pause,
a massive dropping of the jaws,
as all us sinners comprehend
that what for some has been the end
for us is only the beginning
of a Golden Age of Sinning!

A cheer will sound around the Earth,
to herald humankind’s rebirth!

We’ll walk buck-naked down the street!
Have intercourse with those we meet!
We’ll do hard drugs in public spaces,
sloppy grins upon our faces!

We’ll never go to work again!
If China wants to win, it can!
Economy, esch-monomy,
we’ll now have our autonomy!

A new world springs up overnight
where we’ll just have no need to fight.
We’ll finally have our world peace
once everybody gets a piece!

A fun and happy global nation
with no need for masturbation.
Though that action will continue,
but for show, in public venues!

Folks will feel good all the time!
They’ll give up on the social climb.
With no one left to judge our actions,
life will be pure satisfaction!

Money will just be green paper.
Credit cards become pan scrapers.

Ecstasy will be the norm,
As we expand to our true form!

... and yes, one day, far down the line
there will from heaven come a chime
as Christ himself descends upon us
to lay his massive trip upon us.

Hopefully we’ll make him see
that all throughout eternity
all of God’s creatures, great and small
just want to smile, and have a ball!

And even though we only prayed
on accidents while getting laid,
or trying to help our sports team win,
perhaps He’ll see that all our sin
was just us trying to be God too,
and act like God appeared to do

by being all things, dark and light.
Keeping the peace...helping the fight.
Robbing one man to pay another.
Hating Mom...and loving Mother.

We’ll ask Christ, can we take the blame,
when his own Dad made up the game?
And set up rules in contradiction
to our human predilections?

How could we expect to win
when God made us to lust for sin?

Perhaps then Christ will see our side
and come to Earth where He’ll reside
and live amongst us as an equal
and help us write the bible’s sequel!

“The Bible Two – The Fun Begins!!!”
Where it’s all good, and no one sins,

and everything is all okay,
and everybody gets their way,
and every day is Saturday.
and everybody, straight or gay

just laughs and sings and plays all day,
and never once
bothers to pray.

Because it’s all just really good,
and everyone feels like they should
and Paradise is here and now
and no one ever wonders how.

So yes, I’m waiting for the day
when Rapture takes them all away.
Until then, I’ll just watch the sky
and listen for the trumpet’s cry

And hope that when that day does dawn,
and we can finally get it on,
that one commandment we employ:
“Thou shalt always, be in Joy”

Copyright 2010 © Randy Warren

According to his bio, Randy Warren is an ascended master of the material illusion. He has come to Earth to assist in smoothing the transition into the new age. While here, he enjoys many forms of expression, including poetry. Feel free to contact him and offer him money for his myriad talents.

"Immigrants" an SB 1070 satire poem by Randy Warren

"Immgrants"
By Randy Warren
performed at the Sedona Poetry Slam in June

The other day, right here in Arizona,
I made a point for America.

I knocked on the door of the Gonzalez family.
(I had to wait until 6, because they all work)
When the door opened, I unfurled my proclamation.

It spoke of God, and Country, and Destiny,
and a bunch of other shit that sounds good,
and feels good to say.

I indicated to the Gonzalezes
the fresh American flag
I had just planted in their lawn.

A brand-new flag,
with 53 bright and shining stars.

Star 51 stood for Puerto Rico, of course.
Star 52, for the pending statehood of Halliburtistan.
And star 53, I explained to the Gonzalezes,
represented the very land on which we stood.
The recently annexed, half-acre state
of South Arizona.

Well, they immediately became angry,
(as their kind are prone to do),
but I was prepared.

I explained to them,
as patiently as I could,
that God works in ways mysterious to Man,
even to the white man. It’s true.

I explained how God’s plan
is invisible to us,
and like all things invisible
it can only be seen when it touches things,
moves things.

Like how Wonder Woman’s jet
can only be detected
when you see the birds dodge out of the way.

Well, the Gonzalezes were unfamiliar with Wonder Woman,
but I had made my point:

Because I was there to take their land,
it must mean that God sent me.
Otherwise...how did I get there?

I stumped’em with that one.

Right on cue the van pulled up
to take them all home to Mexico
where they could be with their families.

Well for some reason that set them off.
The father starts yelling,
saying we’d better get off his property.

His property.

It’s that sense of entitlement,
that really gets to me.

I explained to him,
in the most simple terms I could,
that this was not his property,
and that he and his family were squatting on government land.

He began to get violent,
(another weakness of his people),
and we were forced to Tase him.

This upset his wife and children,
who became agitated,
and we were forced to tase them.

They were zip-tied together and loaded onto the truck.

And yes it was messy,
and I always hope things will go so much smoother.

But you just can’t teach,
those who refuse to learn.

That’s why God invented the Taser.

I must say,
it boggles the mind,
that these people are so reluctant to go back home.

I mean, if Mexico is really so bad,
how come so many people vacation there?

I pray on that, I do,
and even God seems to have no answer.

Even God, has no answer.

As for the Gonzalezes, they are fine.

Though they were jailed for trespassing and resisting arrest,
we got them out on a work-release program.

And God, in his infinite love and wisdom,
has made the sweetest lemonade,
from this sour mess.

The Gonzalez family,
you will be happy to hear,
is now the official landscaping team,
of the great state,
of South Arizona.

As federal prisoners they get paid a few dollars each day,
which from a public-funds standpoint is recession-friendly.

And they get to feel the pride of a hard day’s work,
a pride that I hope they pass on to their children.

So once again, God’s will is manifest
with a minimum of violence.
Praise the Lord.

You know,
some nights I sit out on my patio,
and I watch the sun set over this great nation.

I think of how our european ancestors struggled
to leave their homelands,
and come to this new frontier,
in hopes of finding joy, and freedom, and prosperity.

How they left everything behind
with nothing but a dream.
The American Dream.

And when I think,

of all our people sacrificed
to come to this great land,
well, it just turns my stomach,
to think that we could lose it all
to some damned immigrants.

Thank you,
and praise God.

Copyright 2010 © Randy Warren

According to his bio, Randy Warren is an ascended master of the material illusion. He has come to Earth to assist in smoothing the transition into the new age. While here, he enjoys many forms of expression, including poetry. Feel free to contact him and offer him money for his myriad talents.

"An Introduction," by Randy Warren

An Introduction
By Randy Warren
performed at the Sedona Poetry Slam in June

Well first to start it seems appropriate to let you know
that I was sent to help you all remember who you are.
I know to some of you I might begin to look familiar;
that’s because we all go back together very far.

The only difference that there is between us is
I can remember all this shit while your amnesia remains.
It’s not to say that I’m superior;
I simply made the choice to be the one
to help you out of your brains.

So right now, just sit back, and relax, and reflect,
and take a deep breath, let it out and do it again.
It’s me your old pal Randy, I just came back to help you all
and you can trust me ‘cause we’re all friends.

Now all you need to know about yourself, at least to start,
is that you all are basically alone in a dream.
And you can wake up any time you know,
it’s not that there’s some external factor,
some mind-control beam.

You just like it this way
with the balls all in play.
You like the sea of probabilities
with you as the “X”.

But let me tell you,
when you stop playing the victim
then you’re basically God,
and life is basically sex.

The first thing you gotta do,
is let go of being you.

You’re gonna be you anyway,
and this’ll give you more room to play.

‘Cause you’re basically a hologram,
a projection of I-Am-That-I-Am.

And when you let your human go,
then you will instantly start to
know, and grow, and flow, and show
yourself all that you need to know
so you can start to let it go
and feel good all the time, although
there will be times when you’ll say “no”
‘cause you’re addicted to the Show.
The up and down, the ebb and flow,
is all just food for your ego,
let it go, let it go, let it go,
let it go go go go

Go within and you will see that you create reality
by your perceptions and projections
you make it real.

And now the next step is for you to drop the act
and stop reacting to the stimulus
as if you’re a seal.

If there’s a God, then He’s an It, and It’s a They,
and They are Us,
no wonder we all think so much of ourselves.

The other side of that is we’re all really God,
we all forgot while we were occupied enjoying ourselves.

And now, it’s time for us
to drop all the bullshit and just be Awesome.

And I am here to see
the spinach in the teeth of your soul,
and help you floss’em.

So that’ll do it for now, my name is Randy,
like I said I came to help you all remember who you are.

If you have questions you can reach me via email,
or to contact me directly you can wish upon a star.

Before I leave I wanna leave you with something
that’ll help you feel better,
when you feel very bad.

A simple truth that I have tested time and time again,
it’s guaranteed to lift you up when you’re feeling sad.

(deep breath!)

If there’s a God then God is you and you are God
and there is no separation, just two names for the same.

So anything that happens,
must be what you want to happen,
otherwise how could it happen,
no one to blame.

So when you find yourself resisting the present,
lamenting and resenting what is lain at your door,
just take a moment to remember you are God
and as a god you have good taste,
you only choose what you adore.

And in this moment you have chosen
you are perfectly aligned with All That Is
all of the time, you know.

There is no other truth,
that is the way it is,
there is no other way,
there is no other truth to know.

So even in the shittiest of times
it doesn’t change the simple fact
that everything is always Perfection.

And if you see the world as shit,
it may occur to you
that maybe the problem’s
your shitty perception.

And if you want to live a life of joy and happiness
the first and only step
is just to let it all in.

And when you finally let the pain fall away,
all the joy will rush in,
and life will truly begin.
My name is Randy and I came here just to be the one
to tell you all the things that you all already know.

And now that I am here,
you just relax and have no fear,
it’s time to crack another beer
and enjoy the show!

Copyright 2010 © Randy Warren

According to his bio, Randy Warren is an ascended master of the material illusion. He has come to Earth to assist in smoothing the transition into the new age. While here, he enjoys many forms of expression, including poetry. Feel free to contact him and offer him money for his myriad talents.

The Klute wins the March 20 Sedona Poetry Slam

Results from the Sedona Poetry Slam

Saturday, March 20, 2010, Studio Live, Sedona, Arizona, 7:30 p.m.

Calibration poet and host Christopher Fox Graham of Sedona, "Hunting UFOs"

Round 1
Random Draw

Maple Dewleaf, of Flagstaff, 25.8 (2:30)
Randy Warren, "An Introduction," of Sedona, 22.1 (3:00)
Jessica Laurel Reese, of the Village of Oak Creek, 25.2 (2:10)
Dain Michael Down, of Seattle, 27.2 (2:16)
Champion Max Boehm-Reifenkugel, of Sedona, 28.5 (2:29)
The Klute, of Mesa, "Adam and Steve," 29.1, 28.1 after -1.0 time penalty (3:23)
Allan Skinneman (aka Geoff Jackson), of Flagstaff, 27.7 (1:54)
Brit Shostak, of Mesa, 27.2 (2:35)

---intermission---

Feature poet: Bill Campana of Mesa.
A member of five Mesa National Poetry Slam Teams, Bill Campana has been to the semi-finals of the National Poetry Slam twice. He has hosted and featured across the Southwest, and continues to write at a feverish pace, always challenging fellow poets to better their craft on the page and the stage.

Campana knows that the only true way to respect culture is to break it into little tiny pieces. He came onto the poetry scene at full power, and suddenly the dry dusty notebooks of lesser poets got burned up in the shockwave.

Campana is the atom bomb that levels ivory towers. He got people excited enough about poetry to come back for more, and to see what would happen next. Soon, the audience was too big for the coffeehouse, a feat unprecedented since Socrates dared the baristas to make him a hemlock Frappuchino.

Sorbet poet: Mikel Weisser of Kingman, "Drunk Guy's Dick"

Round 2
Reverse Order

Brit Shostak, 28.1 (2:55), 55.3
Allen Skinneman, 27.4, 25.9 after 1.5 time penalty (3:32), 53.6
The Klute, "Cereal Aisle Racist," 29.0 (2:36), 57.1
Champion Max Boehm-Reifenkugel, 28.3 (1:50), 56.8
Dain Michael Down, 28.6 (1:31), 55.8
Jessica Laurel Reese, 28.8 (2:42), 54.0
Randy Warren, "I See You," 27.0 (1:51), 44.6
Maple Dewleaf, 27.5, 26.0 after 1.5 time penalty (3:40), 51.8

Sorbet poet Mikel Weisser, "The New Material"

Round 3
High to Low

The Klute, "2012," 29.3 (2:29), 86.4
Champion Max Boehm-Reifenkugel, 29.2 (2:03), 86.0
Dain Michael Down, 29.3 (2:39), 85.5
Brit Shostak, 28.9 (2:02), 84.2
Jessica Laurel Reese, 29.3 (1:30), 83.3
Allen Skinneman, 28.2 (2:53), 81.8
Maple Dewleaf, 28.2 (1:27), 80.0
Randy Warren, "A Life Spent Dying," 28.4, 24.9 after 3.5 time penalty (4:10), 74.0

Final scores
1st: The Klute of Mesa, 86.4, $100
(this marks The Klute's third consecutive victory at the Sedona Poetry Slam)

2nd: Champion Max Boehm-Reifenkugel, 86.0

3rd: Dain Michael Down, 85.5

Brit Shostak, 84.2
Jessica Laurel Reese, 83.3
Allen Skinneman, 81.8
Maple Dewleaf, 80.0
Randy Warren, 74.0

Slam staff

Scorekeeper and Timekeeper: Azami
Host: Christopher Fox Graham
Organizers:
Susan Schomaker, April Holman Payne, Jenn Reddington, Studio Live
Christopher Fox Graham, Sedona 510 Poetry