Four Hours on the Road, in the city

Last night, around 10:30, I went over to KuK's. I broke in and found the boy asleep on his floor. I kicked him out of bed, he got dressed and we hit the road.

We drove through the streets of Phoenix for 4 hours, talking about everything and nothing. We rolled down Southern westbound until the street ended, then came east and snaked up Central until it hit the mountains and died into a neighborhood. Went around it and passed into the eastern frontier of Anthem, then back south and east into Fountain Hills before cutting down through Scottsdale.

Four hours just talking, driving, and smoking.

Conclusions:

1) We have no idea what we want in life. When asked, "what's your goal?" We ask "whadya got?" When younger, our parents would ask us, "where do you want to eat," etc. but wouldn't really listen to our responses. "No, I don't like xxx, yyy is too far away, how 'bout zzz?" If you're not going to listen, why ask? All it's done is produce two 20-year-old boys who can't make fucking decisions about our lives because they don't matter. Someone else will decide for us, like always.

2) Women are crazy. Without question or exception. The best we can hope for is one who's insanity we can tolerate that won't hate us. Well, more than that. We both want a woman who is spontaneous, intelligent, communicative, decisive (cause we're not), and a good kisser. Everything else we can teach her if needed. We also need someone who has bigger dreams than she can handle.

3) None of this shit matters. Rolling past the next mall, the next next car dealership, the next shopping plaza, the next cookie-cutter neighborhood, it came to my attention that none of this matters. It's all just maintenance, but maintenance of a damned machine. Our culture of sprawl is just masturbation without climax.

4) We've lost hope in the powers that be. Post-election, post-9-11, post-Iraq, we trust our government less than ever. In the Clinton years, we thought the world was getting better and the US was the penultimate ethical, admirable power. We weren't Neo-Rome. The world loved America not because of our military or our money, but for our rule-of-law, and our restraint. We were respected. But the faux-election that no one really protested, 9-11 that didn't really change much socially expect allow us to risk a massive number of rights that the government could snake away at any time. I was never one to say, "the government this" and "the government that" but I do now because I don't trust it. Republicans and Democrats wear the same coats now. My vote obviously doesn't count. Things aren't getting better, they're stuck in the same rut. I don't think we're headed toward 1984, but we're not headed toward Star Trek either.

5) We don't want to become our fathers. We know their flaws intimately and must not repeat them. The only time my father and I didn't loathe each other was during "Law and Order".

6) Our view of God is based on our view of our fathers. I am an atheist.