name it secretly,
the same name as the lover
you’ve longed to touch
if the circumstances of circumstances
loosed their vicious, tight grip
on the ribbon of choices that lead you here
and you could sail to them
like Peter Pan or Superman
now, pretend that this moment
is the last one worth holding
the flotsam floating
from the sinking ship of time
imagine as your vision dims and fades
as your body decays into dust
eternity will be you staring in blissful wonder
at one last image embossed forever
on the blackboard of your eyelids
in the abandoned elementary school of your life
time will stumble forward for living things,
but for you
at the moment your ghost
takes off its bodysuit
you’ll hang on this thumbprint of the world
no sinful heaven,
no sinless hell,
no ponderous purgatory
just one pure moment till the end of the end ends finally
pretend this is that moment
and that lover’s name
is the last one to echo through memory
kaleidoscoping all the dots and dates of your history
drawing a final picture of who
you always wished you were
this is that moment
I am pretending this moment, too
the way your name wraps around my frame like a blanket
thick with the smell of sex and ’80s punk rock
you hold a forever passport to my dreams
irrevocable despite your embargo of time
or the miles between our car crash collisions
that slam our bodies into each other
with evening newscast picture perfection
I’ll warn you now
that this poem lacks mathematical computations
calculating distances of our heartbeats
I won’t bore you with algorithms and complex probability equations
to explain why I love you
I'll warn you know that in daylight, I can’t gaze skyward
because you named all the clouds in my eye-scape
I try to repeat them like the 99 names of Allah
and somehow found YHWH was trying
to pronounce my name correctly
the last time I traveled the world
you asked me to bring you clouds and sunsets
but photographs lack depth
stories can’t change fast enough
poetry fails to articulate color
so I was doomed to fail you
you knew that before I left
but gave me a quest anyway
to test my sincerity
so all I have are the stars
I’ll warn you now
that this poem lacks ambiguity
I will not spend stanza after stanza
elucidating all your curves
without naming you as the owner
you will not be able,
in ages and ages hence
to claim this poem is for another lover
unless her name is Rebecca, too
now,
I have broken the oldest taboo of
all poets:
never name the girl
because the audience suddenly
gives the subject form and fixture
no longer is she vapor and ether
no longer a lover of theirs
no longer possibly them
strangers can bump into on the street
and say they already know her as the reason
poets love stars
I'll warn you now
in the space between midnight and dawn
I long to find you have taken
the Normandy beach of my doorframe
outflanked my defenders
slaughtered the POWs
and threaten occupation;
we promise no resistance
if you swear immediate annexation
strip me bare
and claim these lands as yours
you’ll find a nation of willing collaborators kiss me tiger stripes
transform my carcass into a buffet
eat of my body, broken for you
the bruises you inflicted have faded
retreated down to my bones
though in dreams,
they rise again to the surface
marking me like tattoos
I'll warn you now
that sitting next to you
for the first time in months
starring at the stars
I’m resisting the urge to lean over and kiss you
but we’re beyond that
better than that
children have those urges
and can’t keep their hands to themselves
but you and I have these stars:
but I do confess
my forever moment shares your name
I love not because I need to
but because I need you
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