A series of haiku

Traditional 5-7-5 haiku
Jedi Haiku
We are Jedi Knights
our words are our lightsabers
our Force is the Word

Mother's Day Haiku
I blacked out last night
no, this isn't my blood but
happy Mother's Day

Serial Killer Haiku
Funny you should ask
my trunk can fit two Boy Scouts
and a grandmother

Nicholas is in the Will; I'm a Footnote Haiku
I thought my mother
loved both her sons equally ...
until I saw the will

Heavy Pause Haiku
Then, years afterward,
I realized the problem was ...
...
...
...
... I hesitated

American 17-syllable haiku
My Grammar Can Beat Up Your Grammar Haiku
Why isn't "phonetic"
spelled phonetically?
While you think, let's make out

Dirty Old Man Haiku
And old man told me
the way to stay young
is sleep with 18-year-olds

Ella Garrett Haiku
We copy editors judge you,
reporters,
when you use bad grammar

Crucifixion Haiku (stolen from a joke by Dan Seaman)
Why did Jesus Christ
die on the cross?
Because he forgot the safe word

Bruce Haiku
Fathers should suffer
labor like mothers so they
don't bolt on their sons

Why I Act Like a Child Haiku
The older you get
the younger you feel.
At 40, I'll be fetal

Pudenda Haiku
My hand rests on your cleft:
the moist doorway from where
poems and poets are born

Theory of Relativity Haiku
The illusion of light
traps believers in the past
must move faster

Emigration Haiku
America is taxing my dreams
so I'm moving
to Canada

Arboreal Haiku
A tree falls in the woods
and no one is around.
Termites have no crowd

Insurance Haiku
"Drop your pants
and give me $100."
I hate my HMO.

Call Center Haiku
Work is so boring today.
I'll liven it up
with a homicide

Urban Violence Haiku
We were children once,
remember?
why do you now hold a gun?

Lisa Gaston Haiku
Somehow you can make
the words, "fuck me"
the most romantic phrase I know

Atheist Haiku
You ask why I am an atheist?
Fathers are our models
for God

Punk Rock Chick Haiku
Punk band patches
tats, pink hair, pierced attitude ...
I want her to break me

Michael Bay Haiku
If we're really headed to hell
in a hand basket,
I call shotgun

Why I Need My Sins Haiku
The histories we try to forget
end up
defining who we are

Nearsidedness Haiku
I should have seen
fucking you was dumb;
my testicles need spectacles

Thanksgiving Haiku
Before we start, I
want to say I hate you all.
Pass the salt, aunt Beth

Was it True Love Haiku
Loving you was
endless disappointment
with moments of denial

I Need a Front Page Story Haiku
Wildfires threaten Sedona
but I work for a newspaper.
So light up.

My Longest Relationship was 42 Days Haiku
Whales beach themselves
when they know it's over;
We stayed at sea way too long

Head to Head Haikus
Greg Nix Haiku
Greg Nix once said
he admired me.
Will he slobber on my pecker?

Greg Nix Haiku #2
I doubt it
a bottle, his foot and his shame
already fill his mouth

Damien Flores Haiku #1
Damien is cocky
about his haiku
but he still can't buy beer

Damien Flores Haiku #2
Easy way to win:
"Damien is 20, officer,
and he's drunk."

Why it's Hard to Kill Aaron Johnson With My Car Haiku
God damn lefties!
Aaron Johnson hitchhikes
facing oncoming traffic